some insight into this big ole sphere called my head
wed.jan19.2000 4.12am
welps, here is the genesis of my journal page. it's now 4.15am and i'm trying to keep myself awake so that i can go to morning prayer at 6. plus, andrew is sleeping in my bed. this page is really ghetto-looking, but i'm proud of it cuz i'm doing it all in HTML code by myself. that was my project for the winter break...to learn some basic HTML. ain't it cool?? hopefully i can learn some more cool stuff. you know when you've been awake all nite, don't you feel crazy dirty? even when you brush your teeth it doesn't matter cuz you still feel tartar build-up. i'm going to go brush them again.
thur.jan20.2000 12.04am
man it's been a long day. i've taken about 3 1-hr naps all day and i'm so beat. but never fear...today was my first class of kung fu! evildoers beware! bruce lee move over cuz here comes tj lee! muahahaha. nah but for reals, it was quite rigorous and i got to throw ji so hey, not a bad deal!
fri.jan21.2000 1.22am
ouch, i tell you what ouch. i'm still sore from kung fu but it's good to finally make an attempt to get into shape. today was bad b/c i wore my new docs and the back of the shoe kept rubbing my heel. so now it's all raw and peeling and red and...yeah it's just bad. too bad i don't have a digital camera! it's not easy to look this good. HAHAHAHA! i also watched American Beauty tonight. you should watch it...i can't say it's good or bad, but it's definitely a unique movie that'll give you sumthin to chew on.
fri.jan28.2000 1.02am
you know, i have a problem...you know when you are walking and you come directly in front of a person walking the other way? there's the awkward decision process invovled in knowing which way to go. well for me, me and the other person just keep rocking from the left to the right, deciding who should take which side for like 5 minutes or sumthin. is that normal? or am i just weird and don't have common sense or sumthin...
fri.feb4.2000 1.55am
it's been awhile i know...i would catch you up on what's been goin' on, but ACK! i have so much dang korean homework! therefore, here are some wise words from james inhee hong..."pet peeve of the day: don't you hate it when people whisper behind your back just loud enough for you to be heard? like today, i saw this girl from my floor getting into the elevator as i was leaving. she knows that i don't like my floor and i heard her tell some guy 'that guy doesn't like our floor.' she doesn't even know why. and if she's going to say something that makes me look bad, why can't she just say it to me and find out why? and then, i was depositing money at the ATM and it took a little longer than most people because i was depositing 2 checks (as if that really makes a huge difference.) some guy was waiting and i was going over my statement really quickly and as i was walking away, i heard his cussing towards me underneath his breath. what's wrong with these people? they could at least have the courtesy to keep it to themselves because it sure seems like he wanted me to hear him. what does he want? to start a fight? dude, i would have socked that guy hard. well, not really. but i find it pointless for people to do something like that because in turn, it makes them look really...bad i guess. immature. there you go."
fri.feb4.2000 1.53pm
*shh read this one in a whisper b/c i'm at work and am not supposed to be online!* yups, you heard right...tj finally has a job. it's not a great one, but hey it pays the bills you know? i just kind of sit here waiting for them to give me something to copy or deliver. and that's why i'm online. the sad thing is, i had to quit kung-fu. i'm too weak! i just can't hang w/all these activities. besides, i think the location of my job should be considered a workout seeing that it stretches the boundaries of what can be considered, "on-campus."
sun.feb27.2000 2.46am
well i guess it's a lie to call this thing a daily thing. but i've just been crazy busy lately...really. no for reals. but dang, sleeping 12 hrs really jacks you up...i can't function right now. i suppose i shall add sumthin interesting as soon as sumthin interesting comes up.
sun.mar5.2000 2.08am
i am not a very good share-er. i guess i didn't learn how to share my blocks well in pre-school or sumthin, cuz now i have to deal with this. i mean, i don't mind sharing my stuff...really i don't. but i guess i just kind of expect things in return you know? things like getting back what i gave in the same or similar condition, a simple "can i" or "please," and i love "thank you." i mean, there is stuff that people don't have to ask me each and every time, but some things i liked to be asked about when someone needs to borrow it. am i an anal freak with OCD?? please let me know if i am...
fri.mar10.2000 2.13am
elevators and people greatly amuse me. you know how you press the button for the elevator? someone always come by and presses it again...sometimes multiple times. apparently you did not do an adequate job of pressing the button and pressing it again will only make it come faster. and today, i saw a guy try to pry the doors open by sticking his finger into the little crack. really, is your time that important?
tues.mar28.2000 3.48am eastern standard time
greetings from boston!!! yes, this is my first remote entry...cool huh? it's spring break now and i'm enjoying my little vacation over here on the east coast. i've had a lot of firsts...first time on "the T", first time in a thermal fluids engineering class, and first time showering next to a girl. "what?!?!" you say? haha yes my friend here lives in a nunnery [i.e. all-girls dorm] and so there's one co-ed bathroom on a different floor. lemme just tell you that it's an odd feeling. and i simply REFUSE to go bathroom next to a girl. i go all the way to the lobby to use the real men's room. sick you say? perhaps, but i don't wish to pee next to a member of the opposite sex.
wed.apr12.2000 8.31pm
since i didn't get a chance to share up there, here is my testimony from the retreat westside oikos just had...
to tell you the truth, as retreat approached, i did not feel the excitement that other people were feeling. i was really busy that week and did not have time to prepare myself. i was also felt like i needed to withdraw a bit from being around people all the time...difficult for me considering that i'm usually the one always down to play. but i felt that i needed some time to myself and i did not really desire the company of others. even on the van ride up to the retreat, i was cranky, tired, and kind of annoyed at the noise people were making because it did not allow me to sleep. so i started praying and talking to God, asking Him to help me be blessed and to be prepared for the things He needed to show me. and as the awesome Father that He is, He immediately took the burden off of me and allowed me to enjoy fellowshipping with my fellow van travelers. and beginning then through the entire weekend, God did not stop the blessings from flowing.
but what was the most awesome was the prayer time during saturday nite. it was such a powerful time of prayer and God's presence was so strong in that place, that i could almost see Him, standing in front of me. i could only fall at His feet in adoration, praise, humility, and shame. i had been dry for awhile and had been questioning a lot of stuff. one thing that was really troubling me, and what was causing me to want to withdraw from people, was my relationships with some people. just stupid, petty stuff caused by my own insecurities and the devil's lies. and i was just in such turmoil, because i felt that i did not deserve the love and respect from the people around me. but that night, as so many people came to pray upon me and with me, i could only thank the Lord for people like that, who really cared for me, loved me, and desired only the best for me. how awesome it is that the people of God can come together and pray. and that feeling of being prayed upon is such an deep emotion...people yelling and resting their hands on you, embracing you, imploring God on your behalf...that is true fellowship in God.
and for the first time that night, i experienced what it means to be truly filled by the Spirit. i used to think that being filled by the Spirit meant that your heart is filled. but that night, i could visualize God's Spirit being poured from my head down to my toes, filling every crevice, every appendage, every cell in my body, and i just wanted more. i felt that i could just reach out and grab God's hand. i was truly blessed and set on fire for the Lord this past weekend. i hope and pray that everyone there was as touched as i was and i pray that the fire that fell upon us will not be just a typical retreat high that burns out within a week, but one that will only increase. with that much excitement and fire felt that night, how can we ever turn back?